i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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