Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
