I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
