I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
