tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
