I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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