so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
