I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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