so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
