She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
