hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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