My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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