What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
