It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
