Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
