Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
