our cab driver is having phone sex.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
