I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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