it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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