you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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