before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
