it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize