I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
