I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
