They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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