just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
