Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone signed my nipple.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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