I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
