i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
