shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
