yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
