I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
