Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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