Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
