Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
