So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
