he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
