a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
