Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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