Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
