man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
