i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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