You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
