In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How does it feel to date your dad?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
