dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
