if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
