Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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