He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
