I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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