There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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