theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
