I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
