Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
