tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
