Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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