dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
