his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize