Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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