she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
