Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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