did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
