I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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