hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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