She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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