wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
