Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
