Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
