So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
