Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
