The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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