Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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