i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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