That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
